“T’were ne’er a warmer winter when,
Lawrence Magnus-Carter
The plucky invigilator did pick up their pen.
While most awaken to the song of a wren,
The LSE student has exam season again.”
Whilst the LSE’s infamous January exams are often met with disdain, I, Lawrence Magnus-Carter, think it is a great reminder of the true meaning of Christmas. Whilst the likes of BandAid, Dickens and God might all have very disparate meanings of Christmas, I for one, don’t buy into any of their goody two shoe twattery.
For me, and anyone with a similarly adept cranium, the meaning of Christmas is that there are things more important than Christmas. Namely increasing shareholder value. The LSE recognises this and proudly acts upon it, by making the January exams, and thus the Christmas holidays, as ruthless as possible. The LSE truly is a beacon of the entrepreneurial spirit we should all aspire to emulate.
But has it gone far enough?
I for one think January exams aren’t burdensome enough. Some LSE students are still able to enjoy Christmas. Why should they?
Some think Christmas is about connecting with family. Wrong. Is it about Rudolph and his renowned and radiant nose? No. Some even applaud the bawdy bloated blokes befuddled off baileys and festive booze. This is dangerously wrong.
The victim of this lethargic tomfoolery we somehow still deign to permit? Your potential value to your shareholder overlords.
Should the LSE really be letting this slide in the year two thousand and twenty four anno fucking domini?
In my opinion, no. If I had my way I would have Boxing Day exams to further the great progress the January exams have made in the right direction. If you spend Christmas jollying about like the aforementioned bawdy bloated blokes befuddled off baileys and festive booze, are you really locked in?
If LSE wants to keep its number 1 spot in The Times university rankings into the next year, Christmas should be discarded to the dustbin of history’s terrible ideas. Boxing Day exams are absolutely the way forward.
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