God Declares ‘Biblical Levels of Greed’ Amongst Sway Resellers
PEARLY GATES, HEAVEN — “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a Sway reseller to enter the kingdom of God.” These are the words reverberating through the heavenly plane, following God’s press conference this morning. The issue of Sway reseller greed has seemingly been a major…
LSESU YourParty Society Disbanded After First GIAG Event
SAW SWEE HOCK, LSE — The Raccoon has been told by senior party aides of a catastrophic split within the LSESU Yourparty society. A ‘Give It A Go’ session – which started with some light-hearted icebreakers – quickly descended into turmoil after the executive committee discovered a divergence of opinion over preferring to have one horse-sized…
LSESU Star Wars Society Recieves Backlash Over ‘I Support the Empire’ Wristbands
MARSHALL BUILDING, LONDON — Welcome Week at LSE has flown by, with incoming students finding themselves inundated with talks to go to, events to attend, and clubs to join. However, as the buzz of welcome events have started to wear off, one student society has come under fire for its questionable marketing decisions. Whilst most…
Student Forced Into Advanced Mandarin After Failing to Afford AC102
With universities facing rising costs and tightening budgets, LSE’s administration has implemented a controversial market-based system for course selection. All courses have been capped and students must now bid for the limited places. In a statement to the Raccoon, LSE’s undergraduate director Luke A. said “As the London School of Economics it is only natural…
Study: Sitting Through Just One LSE Grad Ceremony Causes Rapid Aging
LSE CAMPUS — According to shocking new research that has prompted calls for ceremonial reform, LSE graduation ceremonies are so long they’re visibly ageing students. A study tracking 500 graduates found participants aged an average of 6.9 years between walking into the Peacock Theatre and finally escaping hours later.“I went in looking like I was…
The Raccoon to Acquire The Beaver Following Corruption Scandal
LONDON — In a dramatic turn of events that has stunned LSE’s media landscape, The Raccoon is set to acquire rival publication, The Beaver (@beaveronline), following a cascade of corruption scandals, misuse of SU funding, and potential infighting issues. The Raccoon has since launched an aggressive investigative probe. The rigorous interrogation methods employed have included—but were…
CKK Insider: ‘Building is actually working fine, we just wanted a few days off.’
Outside the Cheng Kin Ku Building, LSE – A whole building closed, lectures and classes moved online, and the Law School left homeless. (Oh, and the Department of Geography too I suppose). Most have managed to take this building-wide disturbance in their stride: when asked how he felt about the building closure, one law student O.…
LSE Lecture Records Negative Attendance Rate: Scientists Shocked
“We didn’t think it was scientifically possible for there to be -4 people in a room,” ‘Stunned’ Scientist PEACOCK THEATRE, LSE – In an unprecedented defiance of previously known laws of physics, a group of LSE students managed to accomplish what even the brightest minds at Imperial and CERN would not dare to dream of:…
LSE Mascot Crashes GRAMMYs, Onlookers Shocked by Nudity
LOS ANGELES — This year, the Grammys were marked with controversy – most famously, Kanye West’s partner Bianca Censori’s bold outfit choices. However, amid the media frenzy following the evening, one unexpected guest’s equally ‘stark’ statement slipped under the mainstream media’s radar. In what can only be described as a bold publicity stunt, the beloved…
Armed Robbers Break Into Marshall Building at 17:59
“We had no way to stop them entering” LSE Security MARSHALL BUILDING – In an unprecedented, shocking turn of events on Wednesday, the Marshall Building was broken into and looted by a gang of masked armed robbers. CCTV footage showed the group sauntering into the building and opening fire, before casually stealing £370,000 worth of…
Heartwarming: LSE Student Gifts Friend Linkedin Premium for Christmas
Whilst socks, chocolate, and mugs may be typical secret Santa gifts, one LSE student has taken ‘giving season’ to another level. When tasked with buying a present for a friend, Soph E. (History and Politics 26’) decided that LinkedIn Premium would be the perfect gift. “He’s a wonderful friend, and I just felt it was…
Hare Krishna Man Accepts Goldman Sachs Internship
LINCOLN’S INN FIELDS — As internship offers roll in, and many keen students anxiously await responses, Christmas has come early for one member of the LSE community. Receiving offers from Deutsche Bank, JP Morgan, and the most prized Goldman Sachs, the Hare Krishna man is set to have a busy summer. Managing to catch him…
Raccoon Investigates: AU Carol Actually Front For Furry Convention
SWAY BAR, LONDON – Dressing up like animals, behaving strangely, and congregating in large groups. If you thought of furries, you’d be wrong. Or would you? Our undercover team of investigative journalists were astonished to find that AU Carol has actually been a recruitment scheme by Big Furry to sell more Nick Wilde edits. “Once…
Kamala Confesses to Losing ‘Just to fuck with political scientists’
DEPARTMENT OF GOVERNMENT, CBG – Amidst the chaotic aftermath of the United States presidential election, one key admission seems to have slipped under the media’s radar. In a secretly recorded conversation with an anonymous whistleblower (who we can only reveal to be a member of LSE’s School of Public Policy) the current vice president let…
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